Letting Go

So I would have posted yesterday, except I didn't really have anything to say except:

I WROTE THIS SCENE ON TUESDAY AND IT TOOK ME AN HOUR. *insert Word crash* NOW IT'S TAKING ME 2+ DAYS TO WRITE IT AGAIN! ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

It's really, really hard to write something you've already written, especially when the original was so darn good. (I can say that, now that it's gone.) It flowed so smoothly when I was writing it, and the dialogue made sense when it was read, and it was just so perfect.

And now it's gone. And I'm trying to resurrect it. And failing.

It's actually becoming a bit of a lesson. I have a tendency to keep a tight grip on things of the past: friendships, conversations, moments, beliefs, dreams, plans. I expect the friendships I made when I still lived in another state to continue now that I've lived in Texas for ten years. Relationships I've had with people in Texas have ended, or at least ended in the way that I knew them, yet I still find myself wanting to bring back those 'good times'.

You can't. I can feel the lesson being taught as I try to rewrite this scene. You have to let go of what once was and is no more. You have to uncurl your fingers from the past and stop using it as your standard. You have to turn your face away from shadow forms and look forward down the road. Good times are ahead of you, but you'll miss them if you're looking backwards.

It was a good scene. It really was. Not many times have I written something better.

But it's not coming back. I have to press on. I can't try to write the old scene, no matter how good it was. I have to write a new scene. Drawing on my memory of what I wrote will leave me with something sub-par. No, you have to create again. Create the future, and create it anew. Create something fresh. And don't use recycled pieces of the past.

Haha, waxing philosophical are we?

Eugenides beats Katniss Everdeen WAAAAAAT?!!?!? Now he's on to fight Tamora Pierce's Alanna (who beat Aragorn - not cool). He'll beat her. Here is what I have discovered. All these characters he's fighting are headstrong and impulsive. (Come to think of it, most YA characters are. Hmmmm, do I sense a blog post topic?) However, my Eugenides is anything but headstrong and impulsive. Cunning. Strategic. Even-tempered, except when he loses his temper. (Yet he'll never lose his temper when in danger.) Smart. Secretive. Did I mention cunning? I'm impressed that a character with no magic has come this far... Dare I hope that he will win?????