Not much to say. Today was the first day that I "allowed" myself to write...and as fate would have it, I didn't have time. Permission, but no time. Woe is me.
Honestly, I'm nervous about trying to begin Thin Ice. I'm worried I don't have it straightened out enough in my head. I wonder if I should write something else, something I've had in my head for a long time. I could return to Rain or Anne or Es. I know so much about them! But I'm obsessed with Lottie right now - I can't get her off of my mind!
Besides that, there's not much to talk about. I spent the day talking philosophy with Mac computer doctors. Or rather, listening to them. It intrigues me how much they get right, they being people who don't believe in my God. There are things that they have a good grasp of that many Christians never even think of. It's actually really cool, but it's depressing to sit there and know that you know the answers to their questions...and that they'd never listen to you. But there comes a point where there is nothing you can do other than direct them to information that would suit their personality - in this case, Dad recommended K-House - and pray for the best.
I went to youth group tonight, even though I'm technically too old. AL invited me, the wife of the youth pastor, who I have become better acquainted with as I've grown older and moved out of the youth, with whom I never fit anyway. I still can't really believe that I went, but I'm so glad I did. God showed up, and showed up big. He is working so amazingly in my life, in my mind, that sometimes I just have to sit back and be in awe. That would be great, except that "sitting back" is exactly what He's moving me away from. He doesn't want me to just "sit back" anymore. He is pressing me, calling me, towards obedience. OBEDIENCE. It's such an intense word, and they don't really talk about it anymore in church.
This video started it, started me on a realization that a comfortable life is not one bearing fruit, that safety is not as important as drive, that security is not as lauded as faithfulness, that results mean more than words, and that obedience is greater than sacrifice. I am still trying to understand the fullness of this, and I am still struggling with the giant leap that obedience will entail. But here's the video.
"I laughed, I cried. It moved me, Bob."
I'm sorry. This blog was supposed to be just about writing. I didn't get any writing done today. But I got this. And this is good.
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