So Scary in All Its Bigness

I've been thinking recently about success. Which, admittedly, is straying from the norm, for me, because I tend to think more about failure. But I've been thinking about success.

And what happens if...if it happens. I mean, what happens if I'm successful? What happens if agents really like my book? If editors think it will sell? If it becomes a real book that people all over the country can read. {Not that they will, but they can...}

Truth be told, the thought makes me nauseous. I never thought I would be as afraid of success as I am of failure, but it may be true to say that I'm more afraid of success than I am of...piranhas or something equally life-threatening. It's just so big.

So big. And so scary in all its bigness.

But my God is really, really big. And I'm discovering that He is the same now as He was when I feared letting everyone down, or losing a friend, or losing my house. He's the same. He was comfort and love and hope then, and I am discovering that He's just the same now. I hadn't realized that when I feared the exact thing I have for so longed desired that He would still be there.

He's really big. When my problems are big, He's bigger. And when the possibility of success is big...He's still bigger. He's got me, no matter what. I knew He was with me when life sucked. And now I know He'll be with me when the things hoped for have come to pass.

Do you fear failure or success? Or neither?


Anonymous said...

This is what shakes me to the core sometimes, Melody, the fear of success. I get to thinking, I'm just a (fill-in the blank) and what would I know about being out there, a true Author? I watch interviews with J.K. Rowling, Stephen King etc. and try to imagine myself in their place, and my throat dries at the thought of my stories being liked by so many people. Could I handle the pressure? Would I turn into a jerk? I hope not. But then, what keeps me going, is knowing that God grounds me, corrects me, and even though I'm only human, loves me unconditionally and is on my side no matter what. With him, success is not only possible, it's inevitable.

Shelley Sly said...

I fear both failure and success. I've faced failure so many times that I fear the idea of it... but once I experience it again, it doesn't hurt so bad. Success, on the other hand... I haven't had much of that, so I'm fearing the unknown.

But God is bigger than our worries, and no matter what the future holds, He'll be there. :)