10/28/13

No Longer Totally Obscure

I already knew it was the sign of a great communicator to engage the opposite person in conversation. A "great conversationalist" is usually the person who just asks questions. But I have more incentive than ever, these days. What I do has become increasingly private.

When someone asks what I do, there are three possible answers and reactions, all accurate.
  • I major in physics. Reaction: Oh, wow, you must be so smart. {Please inform my professors of this apparent fact.}
  • I'm a worship leader. Reaction: Oh, wow, you must be so holy. {Well, yes, but only because Jesus gave me His holiness for free because He's awesome like that. Has nothing to do with anything I ever did.}
  • I'm a writer, and I just published a book. Reaction: Oh, wow, you must be a person worth knowing. {Well, yes, but...I was worth knowing before.}
The third thing is what has me most perturbed. I've been writing since I was 11. I've been telling people that I write since I was at least 18, maybe even longer. And it's always been received with something more or less akin to, "That's nice, dear." People have gone on to like me for me. Sometimes they wanted to read my books. Sometimes they didn't. I didn't mind either way. People didn't take my writing seriously, and I didn't blame them, because I had nothing to show for it.

Now that I've self-published, they take it seriously. I am now someone who has done something, someone who was one of those "I write" people that has actually written. Suddenly, I am cool and important and worth knowing. It's a subtle shift, but it's there.

I'm not saying I'm Miley Cyrus famous or anything like that. I'm not even University of Texas famous. I'm not even famous. But I'm no longer totally obscure, and I kinda miss obscurity. There is something to be said for being...nobody. {Not really. God didn't make anyone to be nobody. Everyone is intentional.}

It's odd, adjusting to this new way of life. I tend not to mention the book when I meet people for the first time. Instead, I go the physics major route, am told how smart I must be, and wonder why my grades don't reflect the compliments. And whichever route I take, I am still meeting great friends, friends who see beyond what I've done and see who I am. There truly are many wonderful people in this world, many more than this cynical blog post would make it seem.

I am learning to embrace the spotlight that occasionally sweeps across my face. I am learning to steward the influence {the coolness} that this book has brought me. If I can continue to be myself, to grasp tightly to humility, to lead toward Jesus and be nothing but love, then I have succeeded. It's a difficult task, but one I'm honored to accept.

1 comment:

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